Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
