I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
