I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
