Yo dont text me then not text me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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