i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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