It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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