are you still at the devil's house?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
