my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My hand turned me down
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
