The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
