well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
