My room smells like vodka and shame
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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