fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
