my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
