Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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