just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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