Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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