I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize