Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
