I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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