And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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