Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
