I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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