New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
