WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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