so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
