what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
