just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
