6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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