I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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