some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
