I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
