so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
