By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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