I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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