YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
