OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
