You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
