Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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