Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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