My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
