are you so shy because you have an std?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she told me i tasted like america
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
