Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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