In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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