Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
