my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
