i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
