mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
