If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
