somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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