That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
its liver damage thursday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
