Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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