I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We need to rekindle our bromance
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
