The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
