OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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