Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
