So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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