so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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